I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
