Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
