Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
