Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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