we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need to sanitize my soul.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
