i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
