Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
