I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
