JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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