that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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