so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
