so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize