we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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