My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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