I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
