I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
