theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
