well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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