In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
