Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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