Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
