Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
