Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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