Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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