I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
His nipple licking is glorious
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