I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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