you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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