Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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