Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
