i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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