you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
