I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She bit a glass in half.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
