please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
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