ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
