I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
