It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
