Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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