you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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