I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
