you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
