He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
