He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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