Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
