i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
