Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
