I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
