4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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