What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
