So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
