Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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