I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Panties = found
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
