I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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