The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
