Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
