Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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