porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
