you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
as a side note pls kill me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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