Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
