She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
