I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
