I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
