Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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