Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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